Sunday, November 28, 2010

You Stream Me On Stream With Fish?

Let’s face it. If you’re anything like me there is absolutely no way that your schedule allows for you to have a TV show addiction. I personally don’t have TIVO so I don’t have the option of recording shows and viewing them at a later time. I’m also too lazy to record something on to tape (yes we still have VCRs in this household). This is why I try and stay as far away from the non-sporting event related television programming as much as possible. It’s just too risky.

However every once in a while a show comes around that I really can’t avoid. I have about three or four shows that I have been brainwashed into watching by friends and family basically forcing me down onto the couch and saying “you should really watch this show!” Of course you can’t just watch that show. You have to see what’s next in the line-up. So by the time the nightly news is coming on at 11 o’clock or midnight, for all intents and purposes, you’re totally fucked. They’ve got you hooked. This isn’t my point though. My point is that there needs to attention brought to a real underlying crisis facing us internet video host users. This crisis is the inability for most of us to ever find a free and WORKING online source of an episode we’ve missed.

We’ve all been there. You type in the episode name and series into the Google search bar and get back a list of supposed sites that you can “view the episode online for free”. Attracted like mosquitoes to a bug zapper, we all click on these websites links with the same drool hanging out of the corner of our mouths; blindly staring at our computer screens with the deer in headlights effect in full glory. The video player starts to load and you relax expecting to be entertained by your favorite sitcom/mystery/telenovela, and BOOM what happens?

“Before watching our free video please complete one of the following quick surveys”
- How many kids on average do you eat at the dinner table per week?
- Want free liver transplants?!
- Play Frogger Version 100.6
- Meet Hot Single Mormons In Your Area!

It’s annoying as fuck. We all know that the surveys are never quick and they’re never easy. You click on one survey and it’s usually connected with a never-ending cycle of ad offers that you have to refuse or oblige to. They usually require answers to questions you wouldn’t feel comfortable answering to your own financial advisor let alone some random video site. However those aren’t even the worst.

There’s also the stupid “If your video doesn’t load after completing a survey, try another one of the offers and wait five minutes.” I’m sure there are plenty of potato brained folks out there that after blindly giving Gonzo in Uzbekistan their credit card info for “free tofurkey coupons” gladly hop into another privacy invasion mosh pit from hell. Then you have the game sponsors. These are the best. You go and play Frogger and you’re having adware and spy ware simultaneously injected into your computer. First download the “Fraudyouracct codec” with the “You’re An Asshole Toolbar” and play a couple rounds as the loveable frog and your video will pop right on up. Yeah right. The only thing popping up is on the guy getting your bank account numbers hacking you on the other side from a remote shack somewhere in Bolivia.

Last, but certainly not least, are the loveable “link to Megavideo” pseudo-sites. They’re constructed all around multiple illiterate variations of the same phrase or question. Every site is the same cheaply constructed ploy to sound like a foreign tourist with a two week crash course in the English language set it up.

Miss your latest episode of Cop Show. Watch Cop show now free on Megavideo. Megavideo stream link here. Watch Show of Cop on Megavideo here. Watch stream link here. Megavideo Cop show here. Watch me stream link here. Watch link stream me on Cop. Watch cop stream me in bathroom here. Watch link stream here. You watch me here. Clicky you on me? Stream

No I’ll pass…thank you…I think…

Until next time…

Peace & Love


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