Monday, August 30, 2010

3 Years On The Funny Pharm

I started school. For this reason I haven't had time to really focus on writing my usual exalted viewpoints of this grand world and sharing them to you all. Yes you all. You ten people know who you are! However something of great importance has come to my attention. Yesterday news found it's way to my ears that forced me to run like Forest Gump to the nearest working computer and share it with the world. I could've shared it at work via the work computer but we currently run on Windows (kill) ME edition.

Okay it actually wasn't really of that great importance but I had my third anniversary as a pharm tech yesterday. Now onto the post...

I believe that somewhere in this world there's a room. I'm not sure whether it's an above ground facility or in an underground bunker but there is a room. In this room a bunch of pharmacy patients from all walks of life get together and sit in a circle around some candles. They make little tin foil hats and pass around their medication receipts. They each share stories of how the evil heretics (pharmacists and pharmacy technicians) did the opposite of what their doctor's recommendation was and then take turns flogging themselves for following pharmacy advice. I'm talking the like self-masochistic flogging like that really pale dude in the Da Vinci Code did. Finally, they pray to their doctors for forgiveness, who we all know in the mind of your regular customers(75% of whom went to preschool with the Sun & 25% who sit there and talk to it) are gods with the little g.

Yesterday marked the three year anniversary since I first began working at a local pharmacy & pet cemetery. In the three years that have passed since I found myself floating through the twilight zone, I've learned many valuable lessons and asked myself many questions about the world around us. No other reflective pondering about the mystery that is dealing with patients has popped into my mind more so than the beautifully crafted and vocalized: WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Amazingly though that muse isn't exclusive only to the patient population. It's been expressed sentiment to many corporate decisions as well.

I've also come to believe that if corporate wants us to meet our patients' needs to the best of our ability then they should provide for us the tools to do so. You don't send a soldier off to war without a gun. Why should we have to work in a pharmacy that isn't in the same century that we are?

Embrace technology. Embrace (inspirational word to fill in later).

Here's a list of needed materials that every pharmacy should have:

1.) Computers that work when we do. I don't care what the computers do on off days. If they're anything like me they probably drink...which would probably explain why they all work like they're coming off a five week bender.

2.) A fax machine that doesn't send all faxes to Narnia...whether addressed there or not.

3.) Caller ID. PLEASE!!

4.) Holy water.

5.) Holy water + Southern Comfort + Ice. (It would attract more of our patients to it plus the staff needs some refreshments)

6.) Assigned patient id cards that when scanned include information about a patient's past prescription history, drug allergies, medical emergencies, and little side notes such as: "Hello I'm insane" "No Ingles" & "Doesn't know about the medication, doesn't know about the diagnosis, doesn't know about the doctor. Doesn't know anything about the world. AT ALL."

7.) Signs that properly express the sentiments: "WE ARE CLOSED & NO WE ARE NOT SORRY" & "OUT TO LUNCH WE WILL RETURN WHEN THE BARS CLOSE"

8.) Stickers that say "HERE'S YOUR SIGN"

I believe that the above are all reasonable requests to make to corporate. I would fax headquarters these suggestions but my fax machine is on it's fourth jagerbomb.

Until next time

Bottoms up...


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