In case you're living on Neptune or were lucky enough to escape the state of Michigan a long time ago you may or may not have heard about the fact that it's really really really hot. I'm talking about the kind of heat that you walk out into and drive for miles just to find a lake to jump into (toxic waste dumps count too). The kind of heat that causes customers to walk into your store and inform you in case you hadn't noticed that the air in the store isn't working and it's really hot. After all, I'm wearing a lab coat. I can't feel heat. I'm a pharmacy technician. I have no feelings. I'm not a real person. Merely a figment of your overactive (cracked-out) imagination.
Day 1: Swim trunks.
Day 2: Flip flops.
Day 3: Complete surrender of the building and all liquid assets to me.
Day 4: Two for one sale on Dockers!! COUPONS!!
Me: Umm…but what if?
Mom: *The Look*
Me: Never mind. You’re absolutely right. Let’s go to Penney’s.
Preparing for vacation also means searching for things that mysteriously disappear in retaliation to your need of finding them. It doesn’t matter who you are—the day before you leave on a trip you are out of toothpaste or razors. I couldn’t tell you what happens to these little but semi-important (enough so to piss you off) items but I suspect they probably are in Iraq. Note for next trip—go to Iraq.
arriving at the airport driving to and dealing with Metro Airport. Assuming that it’s July and that I live in Michigan it’s safe to come to the conclusion that I-94 will be a blockade of orange barrels and construction equipment and signs reassuring us that somewhere, somehow, there are construction workers working. Also it’s a safe bet that Telegraph is a bomb crater forcing us to sit on I-94 and read signs ensuring us that somewhere, somehow, there are construction workers working.
(Correction: We will stand in front of the electronic kiosk for half-an-hour cussing and carrying on about how you need a PhD in Quantum Mechanics to figure out how to use the thing.)
Peace & Love