Blahzilla

Dear Radio,

Of all the times I have begged you to stop playing ridiculous songs never have I asked with so much heartfelt conviction. You may play Ke$ha on loop all day long 24/7/365. Just stop playing Airplanes by B.O.B. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaseee!!! I beg of you!!!!!

Love,

Joe

Seriously every like 14-year-old girl on Facebook's status is this:

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars because I can really use a wish right now...

It has literally gotten to the point that I can't hear the song on the radio without wanting to cut myself with something really really blunt. The song is way overplayed and way over consumed. I mean structurally speaking it isn't a bad song. It is catchy the first time you hear it. The second time it's starts dragging and then so on.

The problem lies in the obsessive emo-ey fans. First off, outside of legitimate health crisis or family tragedy, what 14-year-old really has problems? Frustrated by your math homework? Maybe you got grounded for leaving your bike out?

No car = No car payments
Your parents drive you everywhere you want to go. If you can't get a ride from your parents you can ride your bike. Chances are one of your friends' parents will drive you.

You're in middle school
Your grades don't mean anything. You're not paying for credit hours and you can't flunk unless you really try to.

You're pretty much indestructible
Nobody dies in middle school. The worst thing that happens is you break your arm or leg. It never ceases to amaze me how people between the age of 3 to 14 can fall off a roof and walk away like it's no big deal. At 20 you almost slip on ice and feel like you were hit by a monorail for two days.

No job
No unruly customers. No crappy coworkers. The closest thing in your life to an incompetent boss is probably your principle and you rarely see him.

Sorry but you don't need a wish right now. Airplanes aren't shooting stars. You need to like shut up and color a picture or something.

The concept of consistency also disappears after you graduate high school. It's amazing how when you make that step into college, life walks out and chaos comes in. Yeah wait until you have three professors expecting a term paper and your only time to work on it is being slashed in half by your indentured servitude to your occupation.

Wait until you get your first traffic ticket. We usually get these when we're broke. When we have money we get into car wrecks. When our insurance rates drop, we get hit by trains. When you hit the lotto...

You get hit by a train while sitting on the toilet.

You get hit by a comet.

You get mauled by a rabid platypus.

The IRS suddenly is interested in your past tax habits.

Your decrepit thirtieth cousin twice removed suddenly thinks you owe him money.

You spontaneously combust.

This is life.

Life is realizing that you left the syllabus to your term paper in your car. So you walk outside at 2 am to get the folder out of your car. You take a folder out, press the lock button on the door, and slam the door shut only to realize as the door arcs inward that you left your keys on the seat. So you walk back to the house and go to open the front door. Oh yeah that's right. You locked it on your way out but it's okay you'll just use your house key. Guess where your house key is? IN YOUR CAR ATTACHED TO YOUR CAR KEYS!! Finally after somebody comes to the door to let you in, if anybody is home, you get the spare key. You get your keys out of the car and then walk in and sit down behind your laptop, ready to type. You open up the folder and realize...

YOU GRABBED THE WRONG FOLDER!!!

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

No truer words spoken.

Until next time...

Peace & Love,

Joe