Saturday, March 13, 2010

Flashback July 18th, 2008. Stupid People & Invincibility

There are times in my life that I wish that I truly was as mentally void as others. The kind of stupid where I could drool all over myself and think that it was raining.
The kind of stupid where I could light a cigarette and talk on my cell phone while wearing non-static free clothing in the middle of a lighting storm while pumping gas and still not explode. The kind of stupid that believes that a Democrat in Washington will actually solve all our problems in 2008. Yes you better believe that I wish I was that naive. You know why?

Stupid people can do stupid shit and survive it. Seriously!

You never hear about someone getting stoned, thinking it would be funny to dive out of a moving vehicle at 30 mph, actually doing so, and dying. Yep someone actually did this...


Now if someone like I did this we would die before we even hit the pavement. Some freaky shit would happen like we would end up being mauled by some rare radioactive giant monster radish, or end up getting impaled by a low flying seagull. It would so happen that way too. The stupid person would hit their head on the pavement, get ran over by an 18-wheeler and probably get up and walk themselves to the vet confusing it for an actual hospital and still live to talk about it. Oh yeah, and this would all take place while the stupid person was wearing a KKK uniform in the middle of central Harlem.

Now I told you that little story, not because it had anything to do with what I'm about to say, but I merely had a stupid person scenario that didn't fit anywhere else and I couldn't just let it go.

Anyways I digress...

The other day I went to a store that for legal reasons definitely was not a Kroger that definitely was not in Rochester. So as I walked through the produce section of "Froger" in "Fochester" I witnessed a carrier of a mental syndrome that has been chronicled in the works of such famous psychologists as Dr. I. M. Afraud, the legendary Chinese philosopher Mia Frod Tu, and several well respected drunks down at the local pub. This syndrome is none other than Affluent Idiotic Relaxed Head Equilateralism Affect Disorder. We know it simply as the airhead. The main indicator of this disease is if the vast emptiness between the carrier's ears is the only thing larger than their pocketbooks.

This particular victim of Affluent Idiotic Relaxed Head Equilateralism Affect Disorder was an advanced case. In this type of advanced case the subject not only is completely unaware of the fact that they are an airhead but they project themselves verbally as an airhead in which they make a statement that is just south of stupid.

Case in point: The woman holds up a bundle asparagus and yells, "God I love Zuchinni!"

Now normal people would instantaneously know that they made a verbal incident and correct themselves while simultaneously fleeing from further embarrassment. Unlike normal people the airhead will continue to proclaim how great looking the "zucchini" in their hand is while failing to realize that they're actually holding asparagus.

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