A Kup of Reality: I'm Not Homeless!!!

So let me address what may be the fail of the week. Scratch that last sentence. Let me address what may possibly be the fail of the decade for me, myself, and I. As you may or may not have already read; last night I posted a rather lengthy piece on why you should probably consider ditching Facebook. If you haven't seen it you can either scroll down from this post on the main page or you can click here.

Well guess what America. I’m back on Facebook. I know. I’m a hypocrite. However, before you all flee from this blog in horror let me speak out in my defense. I spent the majority of the night deleting information, photos, and adjusting my privacy settings. Next up will be a massive overhaul of the friend’s list. I’m betting on eliminating a good 100 people from my friend's list .

Pull my ears and call me Adolf baby.

I’ve also decided rather than completely cutting Facebook out of my life (since it's unavoidable whether I stay on it or not) using it rarely and as simply a device of communication will suffice. Facebook may be a device of all-knowing, all-seeing, creep-tastic powers for some people. For me it’s a creepy place full of creepy people that should be used in moderation.

Now the reason for me changing my mind?

Sigh…

Blame it on the vodka...blame it on the Henny...

No! No! I keed. I'm not Ted Kennedy! (Too Soon?)

It all comes down to peer pressure. I got the whole guilt trip about how people missed seeing my multiple humorous statuses on a daily basis. As one friend put it…

“Whenever I was having a really bad day I could always read your statuses and know hey at least my life isn’t as bad as yours.”

Yeah. I feel you cuz. Those words really brighten my day. My hats off to you. It’s words of encouragement from friends like this that remind me that God put me on this Earth to brighten people’s day. It gives me hope.

I’ve always had the ability to make people laugh and I’m glad that the man upstairs has blessed me with the ability to break my foot falling up steps, deal with ridiculously insane yet humorous sociopath customers, fall down ridiculous amounts of stairwells across America, be gravity’s bitch boy, an insanely gigantic nose, and long list of other character defects. I’m Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark if he was reincarnated as a platypus.

That being said I get a kick out of making people laugh. Some people find my humor dry and insulting. (95% of people & Republicans) Some people find it witty, edgy, and hilarious (a couple friends, the ten to fifteen people that actually read this blog and send me suggestions, and that guy that’s always drunk and pissing himself on the corner in Mt. Clemens). Other people are surprised that I’m not homeless or living in a commune somewhere. Then there’s those people that try to deny knowing me (my family) or of me.

It’s all good. As long as there’s people out there having bad days and as long as I continue to keep a sense of humor about being an ant under God’s magnifying glass--I will continue to blog my experiences, thoughts, and off color humor for the masses (all nine or ten of you readers out there with paper bags on your heads) to consume and laugh.

I will now shower (I do that because I am not homeless!) and leave you with a rejected GivesMeHope.com story. You know that cheesy website with all the really sappy Lifetime Movie Channel stories that are so sweet and inspirational they give your very soul the warmth and courage to stay strong through your darkest days. Yeah I know right. Fuck that website.

“Today my boyfriend and I were totally boinking each other in my parent’s bedroom and the condom broke. I was so scared and couldn’t keep my composure so I ran to the bathroom and started to cry. My boyfriend came into the bathroom and began to console me. He sweetly wiped away my tears and whispered in my ear, “It’ll be okay. My uncle works for an Abortion clinic.” My boyfriend’s uncle and abortion give me hope.”

Feel free to send your hatemail to the “Bother Me” link above and enjoy this picture of Mother Teresa with a pancake over her head.