Wednesday, June 2, 2010


"Wow this is a cool little shiny device. Does it like open prescription bottles or make labels or something?"
"It's a stapler."

The black ties came into the store this past week to totally F things in the A. Somewhere apparently somebody working at the store still remains a virgin and needed to be mounted for their first time. Personally I have enough morons walking through the door. The last thing I want is a group of college graduate stupid-heads coming into drool all over themselves and beat it to each others dumb ideas. I mean at least bring some napkins with you. I don't want to catch the dumb.

The stapler by far took the cake in proving my point of exactly how clueless corporate management is. In our pharmacy we have three hand-clamp staplers. This woman, bless her heart, had absolutely no clue what what the thing was let alone how it worked. No clue. How in the clucking duck does somebody not know what a hand stapler is? How is it physically possible? It makes my nose bleed just thinking about it! This woman is in charge of the direction my store is going in and she doesn't know what a stapler is??!! AGHHHHHH GODZIWA!!!!

Then of course there are the patients that come in and just expect that by their mere presence there has to be something free, ready, and bagged for them to pick up.

"Well my doctor called it in."
"Well we don't have it."
"How is this possible?"
"Because Jesus hates you."

When a doctors office faxes a prescription over to the pharmacy it takes time for us to get to it. These people act as if the faxing process is like a teleportation portal or something. Like the doctor writes out their prescription and then the ladies working in the office take the script and beam it magically to our safe zone bin. We just are there in the pharmacy simply apparently to smile and look good. We're apparently the Cousin Oliver of the medical world.

So let me clear up a few things for some of our clearly misled favorite crackheads.

1.) You are not God and neither is your doctor.

2.) There are other people (believe it or not) in the world besides you who need medicine.

3.) Those people are most likely in line...AND IN FRONT OF YOU.

4.) Just because the doctor's office called 10 minutes ago and left us a message that your prescription needs to be filled does not mean that you get moved in front of those people ahead of you.

5.) Being a violent prick does not get you anywhere except maybe jail.

6.) When a pharmacy employee asks you a question, they're not asking for your sarcasm or stupid attitude, they're asking for information that may just keep you from dying.

"Are you picking up a script?
"Yeah but it's not done yet."
"Oh okay. What was your name so I can move you up."
"Oh the pharmacist is working on it now."
"Yeah but what's your name?"
"I'm sure it'll be done in a minute."

8.) Our jobs are not being taken over by robots anytime soon and you wouldn't want them to.
"Oh just let me just insert my prescription into this machine here. What? What do you mean Transmission failure?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN DISCONTINUED NDC????"

9.) Pick up your prescriptions on time. Most pharmacies will put back your medications after 7 to 10 days. Why? See Guideline #2.

"I called it in two weeks ago. Why isn't it done?"
"We put it back after 10 days."
"It hasn't been 10 days. It's only been two weeks."

10.) Never ever EVER ask an employee while off the clock if there job is "really all that hard" unless you want to die...slowly...and painfully.

If you follow these simple guidelines you'll make it a much more pleasurable and calm experience for the pharmacy to get everything straightened out for you. It also will ensure that your car doesn't blow up in the parking lot on your way out.

Until next time,

Peace & Love


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