Saturday, May 22, 2010

Be Careful This Iced Tea is Hot & Other WTF Moments

Dear people not familiar with retail in this country,

The pharmacy department does not work on a barter system. I do not want your second born daughter or sexual favors from your hairy bearded aunt in payment for a box of ACCU-CHEK Active strips. They are $35 dollars. If you have insurance coverage that works in collaboration with these test strips then we'll accept your card. We also accept cash, plastic, and good old written check. That is written check. Not decree from the prime minister of Bumscratchistan.

Thank you for your kind understanding.

Sincerely yours,

Your lovable fuzzy headed pharmacy technician.


Today it took me a lot of patience to not bust out laughing at this woman at the counter today. She comes up wanting to purchase a box of 50 test strips. After going back forth with this woman for a good three minutes about how the test strips have always been behind the counter and trying to determine what type test strips she wants (she looks for the type that you put blood on...sigh) I finally figure out that she needs Accu-chek Active strips.

I show her the box and tell her to walk over to the register. She proceeds to tell me that she was in last week and she purchased the strips for $19. The price came out at $34.19. I calmly explain to her that this is the price and it may be slightly higher than it was a few months ago when it was around $31 dollars. It's a manufacturer decision, we have nothing to do with it. She proceeds to do what any rational customer would do and proceeds to yell at me in a different language. After all, yelling at the employee that has no power over the price of the products, in a language they clearly can't understand, will totally solve the problem.

Finally after about a minute of yelling and carrying on she offers me a gas card to the gas station that they own. Yes the one they own...sigh...

At this point is taking everything in my power to keep from laughing at these idiots. Finally she gives up and says that she wants two and she'll pay for it. I go and grab the two boxes of 50 strips and precede to ring it up. The price on the register comes up to around $72 bucks. Her husband begins to argue with me about the price.

"$34 plus $34 does not equal over $70!!!"

"Yeah it equals $68 but MI has a six percent sales tax."

"MI has no god damned sales tax. You are con artists!!!"

Following this dumbass and his outburst comes the lady again and she pulls out a new prescription coupon offer. She insists to me that she will pay for it with this.

It is at this point that I am almost in tears from bursting out in laughter. The gift card says $10 with new prescription or transferred prescription. So I ask this woman if she has a new prescription. The reaction I get is along the lines of: " I DON'T HAVE NO F--KING PRESCRIPTIONS!!"

The reaction she gets is, "Well I guess you can't use that coupon then."

The woman then tears up the coupon, throws the pieces at me, and then knocks something off the shelf on her way out. Ironically enough the woman had D&G sunglasses and a Coach purse. Her husband was wearing Ralph Lauren. Priorities.
Another golden moment of absolute WTF'edness came yesterday while me and several friends shared a routine weekly midnight snack at Denny's. I order iced tea. Our waitress proceeds to come out and hand me a glass of iced tea and utter by the far the most bizarre, out of left field statement, I have ever heard in my life.

"Be careful this iced tea is hot."

How do you even respond to that? At first I thought I was hearing things. Then when I seen that my friend Eddie had also the same blank "did that just happen" expression I knew that we had probably just crossed over into the Twilight Zone. To add to the craziness the broad brought me a glass of ice. Just a glass of ice. The tea was cold by itself. Clearly I need a glass of ice.

Now maybe the tea was hot when she poured it into the glass but she brought us our drinks maybe two minutes after we ordered them. Unless she cryogenically froze the shit out of my tea, there was no way that thing could've been that hot to begin with.

Yet that wasn't the dumbest thing I managed to hear that night. As we were sitting enjoying our meal this goofball walks in and proceeds to say to his friend a statement so dense it has it's own gravitational pull.

"I thought I fell asleep but it turns out I was just dreaming."



Sure you think it's an innocent statement that just sounds dumb. I mean no big deal until you awake at night in a cold sweat thinking to yourself, "What in the hell did he mean?" All week long you are just thinking about it until one day your head explodes and your family finds you dead in the living room looking like Kurt Cobain post shotgun.

It can happen.

Until next time,

Peace & Love,


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